A Look Into the Past
by AML15
Summary: ONE SHOT. Remember that box Peyton put together of things for Sawyer in case Peyton died? With Peyton and Sawyer both fine now, the box is put away and forgotten. Years later, Sawyer and her sisters stumble upon it having never been told the whole truth


**so this idea just popped in my head and I sat down and wrote it. it would make my day if you left a review! **

"Sawyer, move your scrawny butt!" Elle hollered at her older sister.

"I'm moving as fast as I can! This attic isn't very easy to get into." Sixteen-year-old Sawyer pulled herself up into their attic and moved so that Elle could lift Maddy up next. There were no stairs to get up into the attic. It was just a cut square in the ceiling of the hallway on the second floor. Sawyer had roped her sisters into helping her look for some of their mom's old drawings. Sawyer was the artist in the family, having inherited Peyton's talent and also having found a passion for it that was all her own. She knew her mom had stashed some old paintings away for safekeeping. Sawyer had looked everywhere but the attic. They had to be here somewhere.

When Maddy's head appeared, Sawyer reached for her hand and helped pull her all the way up. "Now help me get Elle up here."

Elle stood there looking up at her sisters, wondering how exactly this was going to work. "Maybe I should go get a chair."

"Just use those cheerleader skills and flip up here." Sawyer teased.

"Very funny, but in case you forgot, I quit cheerleading even before you did back in elementary school. You're the one who stuck it out all the way to middle school"

"Whatever." Sawyer laughed. Maddy was the only one who still did cheerleading. "Just grab mine and Maddy's hands and we'll pull you up."

Elle shot them both a look. "That won't work. You two aren't strong enough. Especially Maddy. She's a twig."

"Gee, I love it when you two talk about me as if I'm not here." Said Maddy. "Let's just do both ideas. Grab a chair and we'll pull you the rest of the way."

Elle and Sawyer turned startled faces to Maddy. "Since when are you the peacekeeper?" Elle teased. "I thought that was my job. I am the middle sister, after all."

Maddy shrugged. "I surprise even myself sometimes. Now, come on. We're not getting any younger here, Elle."

Elle ran to get a chair and was back and up in the attic in no time. The girls then spread out to go through old boxes and bins. It was a long time before any drawings were found. Finally, Elle lifted the lid to one box and peered inside. "Hey, I think I found some!" Sawyer and Maddy scooted over to where Elle was sitting and looked into the box.

"There are all sorts of stuff in here." Maddy said, grabbing some old pictures and flipping through them. Sawyer didn't care. She went straight for the drawings. "Wow, these are really good!" Elle was left to rummage through the rest of the stuff. She gasped when she found a CD case. Maddy and Sawyer gave inquiring looks.

"This is mom's benefit CD!" Elle traced her finger over the drawing on the cover. "She made this when she was only a little older than you, Sawyer." Her voice was filled with awe and wonder. Elle was the music fanatic. Her days were spent at her mom's Red Bedroom Records company just watching Peyton in action. Instead of going shopping with friends at the mall, Elle spent hours in the recording studio or in her mom's office. She had heard the story of how the "friends with benefit" album had come about and how it had made Peyton choose the career she had today, but Elle had never actually seen the CD that had started it all. Sawyer and Maddy had quickly moved on to other things, less interested in the CD than Elle.

Every now and then, Maddy would hold up a photo for her sisters to see. "Look at this one! It's Grandma Ellie holding mom when she was a baby. I've never seen this before." Sawyer and Elle took a break to examine the picture. They had never seen it either.

"All these drawings are of mom and dad when they were younger." Sawyer commented. "They seem to go in order, too. See, the first one is when they first talked to each other when mom's car broke down. She has little messaged on each one, too."

"Those drawings of mom all look like you, Sawyer." Elle said, glancing at them briefly.

"No, this one looks like you." Sawyer showed her one. Although Sawyer was the spitting image of their mom, Elle still bore a great resemblance to Peyton. The only thing that kept Sawyer and Elle from looking like identical twins was Elle's blue eyes and smile just like her dad's.

"Here's another drawing, Sawyer." Elle spotted one in the box and pulled it out. "It's one of just mom. It's kind of cool."

Sawyer grabbed it and looked over it. It was Peyton, alright. With wings. "I don't think mom drew this." She scanned for a name of the artist, but didn't find one. "I'll have to ask her about this later."

"I want to ask her about all of this." Said Maddy. "There's even an iPod in here. I wonder why this is all together." She tucked a strand of her dark brown hair behind her ear. Along with her brown eyes, she looked nothing like her older sisters. Instead, she took pride in the fact that she took after her Grandma Karen.

"I found newspaper clippings about dad winning the state championship. And, oh Maddy, you're going to love this." Elle pulled out a book. "It's the original copy of dad's first book."

Maddy seized the book and started flipping through it. "I can't believe it!" She was her Daddy's girl, through and through. Literature was her first love. She had also written more journal than her sisters had combined. Maddy read the inscription in the front that Karen had wrote to her dad when he was in high school. "Wow…"

Peyton heard noises coming from the attic and went to investigate. To her surprise, she found all three of her girls up there. She didn't say anything at first, just watched them. They were a little too far away to hear what they were saying, but Peyton could see they were enjoying themselves. It made Peyton want to laugh at the sight of them, all huddled around in the dark, dusty attic, poking around old stuff. She had no doubt it had been Sawyer's idea. Elle would have immediately joined in to follow, but Maddy would have been a bit more difficult to convince. That's the way it always was with her girls. Elle was only a year younger than Sawyer and they did everything together. Peyton could easily remember her shock when she found out she was pregnant with Elle. Sawyer was still so young, only a few months, and Peyton realized she was going to have two babies on her hands by the time Sawyer celebrated her first birthday. Not to mention it would also be Peyton and Lucas' first anniversary. Once she learned there was no danger with her second pregnancy, Peyton and Lucas could relax. Elizabeth Scott arrived with none of the drama surrounding Sawyer's birth and the best part was that Peyton could actually experience it with Lucas and hold her daughter when she was just seconds old.

Then there was Maddy, the only child that Lucas and Peyton had actually planned to have. She was born three years after Elle. Being pregnant with Maddy had been a breeze compared to the first two. Once again, there was no danger and Peyton had an easy delivery, even though Maddy decided to make an early entrance into the world a week before she was due, but that was just Maddy.

"What are you girls doing?" Peyton finally made her presence known.

All three girls jumped and turned with surprise to find their mom poking her head into the attic.

"We were looking for your old drawings." Sawyer explained. "We found some and a bunch of other stuff."

Peyton looked at the box in Elle's lap and recognized it at once. "You girls were looking through that?"

They all picked up on the odd tone in her voice. "Is that ok?" Maddy asked. "We didn't think you would get mad."

"No, no I'm not mad. I just –" Peyton shrugged. "I hadn't seen that box in a long time and it brought back some memories. That's all."

"Did you put all these things in here, Mom?" Elle wanted to know.

"Yes, I did. A long time ago."

"How come you've never showed this to us?" was Maddy's question.

"I don't know. I guess I just forgot about it. I didn't even know it was up here. Your dad must have brought it up."

"Can we keep looking at this?" Maddy begged. "There's so much cool stuff in here."

"Bring it down." Peyton said. "I want to see it, too."

Maddy looked at her sisters. "I hadn't even thought about how to get down." She whispered. Her fear of heights was starting to kick in. Elle rolled her eyes.

"It's not that high up, Maddy. You'll be fine." Just to prove it, Elle jumped down first. "See? Nothing to it."

Sawyer came down and then Maddy grabbed the box and handed it down to Peyton. "Bring the chair over. I'll step down onto that."

When they were all out of the attic, they headed into Lucas and Peyton's bedroom, all four climbing onto the bed. Peyton opened the lid and saw the contents of the box that she had put together so long ago. She suddenly remembered the feelings of fear and pain that had filled her heart so often in those days when she wasn't sure if her baby would live to take it's first breath or if she would be around to see it. It had all been worth it, all the pain and sadness, all the heartache and worry; it had all led to this. This life with her three beautiful girls and a husband she still felt head-over-heels in love with.

"Girls, I put together this box when I was pregnant with Sawyer." Peyton had never told them the whole story. Just that there had been a little scare with the pregnancy. "I found out I had a condition called placenta previa. It meant that I could bleed to death during delivery and there was also the possibility that Sawyer wouldn't make it either."

The girls' faces had become very somber and serious. The previous excitement from finding the box had been forgotten while they listened intently to the words of their mother.

"I put in photos, drawings, articles, and mementos, anything that had special meaning to me just in case. I wanted Sawyer to be able to know me even if she couldn't remember me. I even made a video. It all would have been given to Sawyer by your dad if I didn't make it."

Sawyer had tears in her eyes. She'd had no idea. If that had happened, she'd be living with just her dad. No mom that she adored and no sisters that she loved like crazy. Just her and dad. It would have been a very lonely life.

"Come here, Sawyer." Peyton held her arms open, seeing how upset she was. Sawyer crawled over on the bed until she was next to her mom. Peyton wrapped her oldest in a hug. "It was a hard time for your dad and me, especially your dad. He was so worried about me and you. But we got through it. We're both ok, kiddo." Peyton pressed a kiss to Sawyer's temple. "You have a great life and that's more than I could have hoped for."

After a moment of letting everyone digest the news and pull themselves together, they turned the attention back to the box. Maddy had an endless list of questions and Peyton did her best to answer all of them. She went through the drawings, telling the story of each one, even though the girls had heard them a thousand times before. They had looked over just about everything until Maddy pulled out a video. The room, which seconds before had been full of laughter and fun, went silent.

"Can we watch it?"

"No, Maddy!" Elle scolded. "Why would you even ask?"

"Its fine, Elle." Peyton stepped in. "Maddy, we can watch it if you want, but it was made as a goodbye. It was just advice I was passing on in case I wasn't here to do it in person."

Maddy nodded, her big brown eyes solemn and sad. Her curiosity was killing her, though, and it wouldn't go away unless she saw the video.

They set it up in the bedroom and it started to play. Peyton was sandwiched between Sawyer and Maddy with Elle on Sawyer's other side. It was hard to watch knowing their mom didn't know at that moment if she was going to live. When it came to her words of wisdom, it was all things they had heard many times before from Peyton. At one point, Peyton felt Maddy rest her head on her shoulder and knew she was crying.

"I just don't like to think about a life without you, mom." Maddy whispered when Peyton asked if she was alright. "I'm glad you were always here to give us advice when we needed it and that we didn't have to watch an old video to find out if you loved us. We know you love us because you're here to tell us everyday." Maddy bit her lip and held back more tears. "I love you, mom."

Peyton squeezed Maddy so tight in response. She never wanted to let go. "I'm so glad I'm here, too. I've never wanted to be anywhere but here with you and your sisters and your dad." She wiped away the tears on Maddy's face. "You guys mean the world to me."

Sawyer came to Peyton later that night. They talked for at least two hours. Sawyer wanted to know more about the pregnancy. As Peyton told her the whole story, Sawyer was in awe of her mom's strength through it all. She also wanted to talk about her mom's drawings. Art was part of their special bond they shared. When they did finally finish up, Sawyer said goodnight and a heartfelt "I love you" before leaving.

Peyton couldn't believe the emotions from the day. Although it had been rough reliving the days of her first pregnancy, it had been good to share the happier times with the girls. Maddy and Sawyer had both expressed that they were so grateful to have her as a mom. It had melted Peyton's heart to hear them say it. Elle been less vocal about her feelings, but Peyton could tell how she felt. She had come up to Peyton and hugged her for a long time, just holding on. She didn't always have the eloquent responses like Maddy or the simple and honest words of Sawyer, but Elle expressed her love the best way she knew how and that was just to give it. Peyton savored the feeling of Elle in her arms. She was unbelievably blessed to even be here right now holding her girl that might not have even existed under different circumstances. It was so precious just to be alive and be loved and to love her family in return. Life was so good.

**Well, i would love to know what you think. please leave a review!! **


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